don't look away.

"Have you ever looked at your car window when it was raining and pitch black outside and all the little rain drops are just sitting there. and it looks like a million little stars, right on your window.and it feels like if you look away you'll never see it again and like the world will come to an end, just because you looked away..." - Shannon.

i have. at a constant lately. i feel like i can't look away, because if i do, something else will change or dissappear entirely. and in that split second i look away, i'll miss something huge. things are changing at rapid speeds lately. and as i said before, i'm just watching it, helplessly enjoying the show. maybe the reason i'm not doing anything about it is because i'm afraid in doing something, i'll look away. and im scared to look away. i always have been. i used to try to keep one eye on things while doing something. but now,...my eyes are just glued to the screen, watching the show, i'm in a trance. day to day doing the same thing, not nessicarily stuck on repeat, but not moving forward either. i'm at a standstill. a standstill in which no matter how hard i try to convince myself, i can't bring myself to care about anything i used to. once again, back to that familiar dissallusionment. i was finally out of it. finally doing great...when someone else decided to walk out. over something stupid. i say i dont care. i say it doesnt get to me. i say they're just stupid. i only partially believe it. i do think their stupid. but i do care. and it does get to me....only i don't know what to do this time. i've never been in this situation before. its all new. a turning point. and no one in the audience, not even me, the writer to my script in my show, has any idea as to what's coming next.